so the saddest shortest story is attributed to hemingway:
"For sale: baby shoes, never worn."
and this came to me at breakfast and i thought it was hilarious.
pls don’t ruin hemingway for me.
no i will continue to do that
Ok, Listen up folks. We have a security situation here.
Meet the Reykjavík Metropolitan Police, serving the capital of Iceland. By the looks of their incredible Instagram account, a normal day includes holding kittens, eating candy and wearing false mustaches.
but do they got kik tho
Can we trade police forces?
Thanksgiving is coming!
Wait, hold on, wasn’t this originally the comic about people stealing art and claiming it as their own.
Did you just copy someone’s artwork and claim it as your own to complain about theft.
Did you just do that.
The level of metafuckery right here is incredible
One of the best scenes on P&R.
This penguin has higher honors than me. Did you know he was actually Knighted!!!!
is that a badge on his arm OMG
I AM FUCKING DEAD. SO I WAS HAVING TROUBLE DOWNLOADING THE SIMS 2 THING THAT’S BEEN GOING AROUND SO I CONTACTED THEIR LIVE CHAT SUPPORT FOR HELP. WELL THE PERSON WANTED MY INFO AND FOR ME TO ANSWER THE SECURITY QUESTION I SET UP SO THEY COULD PUT THE GAME IN MY COLLECTION.
THE QUESTION WAS “What was your dream job as a kid?”
GUESS WHO HAD TO ANSWER THAT QUESTION TO A LIVE PERSON WITH “Doing your mom.”. SPOILET ALERT IT WAS FUCKING ME.
Deleted lines from the Thor: The Dark World script #70
Me: This is so hot.
Me: What is this filth
The funeral of William the Conqueror was cut short when his body exploded, sending mourners running for the door to escape the putrid stench. Source
The turtle Cavalry means business
when your next victim finally comes into the stall
This is fucked up. I’m crying.
aw no, dont cry. come sit down lets talk about it
My mum’s friends at work are having a baby and their last name is watts so they were trying work out a name for it, i suggested 60 and they both looked confused so i said maybe 20 would suit them better
This isn’t a fucking competition Legolas
Any time anyone says Tolkien isn’t funny, I bring up this scene.
To put it in context, Aragorn is a ridiculously good tracker. He had just been literally lying flat on his belly on the ground, his ear pressed to the dirt, so he could listen for footsteps of the army that was way, way out of sight. We’re talking miles away, here. Aragorn was listening to the ground. And from that, he figured out that there were a lot of riders, on hecka fast horses, heading right towards them, with the intention of fucking their shit up. Pretty badass, right?
Cue Legolas, a.k.a. You Little Shit. Legolas is an elf. His eyesight and hearing is ridiculously good. Like, it puts any human’s to shame.
He literally let Aragorn lie there on the ground and strain to hear footsteps in the distance for no reason. And when Aragorn got up, the little shit drove the point home by saying “Oh yeah, I see them, I’ve seen them this whole time, there’s a hundred and five of them, oh yeah and they’re all blonde and they’re carrying spears nbd”
Cue Aragorn gritting his teeth in frustration and Legolas smirking like the sassy pointy-eared fuck that he is.
This may actually be my favorite part of LOTR okay